Tuesday, March 31, 2009

sometimes looking back can be funny...

sometimes it brings up painful memories.

in high school i kept a few different journals.

i burned some of them... lol. for therapeutic reasons!

i still have a few of them.

occasionally, i'll go back and flip through them.

some entries in those journals always stick out to me, but sometimes "new" things stick out. i'm sure that has to do with where i am in life at the particular moment i'm reading them.

today i saw one of them sitting near my scrapbook table so i flipped it open to the first page and this is what i had written...

"when you REALLY love someone, you don't need space. when you REALLY love someone, the space and the distance hurts."

just after that, there was a note to flip to a particular entry dated a little while later. that entry had a highlighted section. it said...

"what does it mean with the space STOPS hurting?"

now, i know what that entry meant at the time that i wrote it (and who it was written about)... no, i'm going to tell you... :)

i also know what it means to me now... no i'm not telling you that either! lol

i did laugh when i read those two entries because it reminded me of how superficial "love" was at that time in my life.

it made me sad because i remember how much unnecessary hurt i exposed myself to... over and over and over again.

it made me glad that i'm not in high school again!

it made me worry that my girls may (and probably will) face that same kind of hurt.

it made me realize that those entries have helped make me who i am today.


Mum-me said...

I worry about the same thing with my girls, although Possum seems to be not interested in boys at all at the moment (which is good - at her age I had already declared to my parents that I was in love and had found the boy I wanted to marry! I was so angry they wouldn't let me 'go with' him.)

Anonymous said...

Beth Moore says your history is a huge part of your destiny. How true. There are things we must endure in order to take us to the place we are to be. The hurts and disappointments oftentimes are the very things that mold and shape us into who we are. The way we respond and process grow us. While we don't like to hear it while we are walking in those places, they do build character.

Love you, Mom

Mummy McTavish said...

I read this when you first wrote it but for some reason I never commented. I never kept a journal, it just seemed like it was a bit too risky. Not that there would have been much excitement in it for anyone to read. I can look back on certain events that hurt at the time but now I see that they have turned into a positive in my life. After being teased, I don't tease, after being an outsider I try to be welcoming, after being alone, I try to be a friend. Life can be a hard teacher.
Just wanted to say we're still missing you.